changes..

you know..whoever that reads this..its to u..what im writing now..is to you..whether if you're a guy or a girl...

for the past few months and maybe years i have to admit, that i am not somebody i am proud of...i dont hate myself..but somehow i feel dat theres always something wrong about me..theres always people that has something bad to say about me..but i try my best to be better..every day..back when i was 15..i made some decisions i regretted..decisions that i could not take back..its become like dark chapters of my history..when i was 17..i admit..my life is a wreck..i was lost..for reasons i would never wanna look back to...but i do believe in change..

people do change..for the better and for the worse..i wouldnt say that i have changed for the better...but then i wouldnt say dat i have changed for the worse neither..but i have changed none the less..the things..the people..left effects on me..PEOPLE are like sponges..im a sponge..youre a sponge..we are all sponges..we soak in the bad stuff and the good stuff..then we get bigger and bigger..at some point..the sponge is just gonna let it all out..im pretty much at that point...cuz i think im doing so right now =)

im 18 now..soon enough..im no longer a teenager..throughout my teenage life..ive seen and experienced a fair amount of events to really make me into a biig sponge..ive been bad before..ive been good before..ive been hated before..ive been liked before..ppl wanna hang with me..some wanna avoid me..ive seen it all..and all of this makes me better and better..i learn from my mistakes...cuz..deep in me..i just wanna make it through every day..just like everybody else..i hate being hated..have u been hated before? i bet u have..and it sucks to have that feeling..i dont wanna be a bad guy...

like ive said..im not exactly proud of who i was before..but people change..i change...people learn from their mistakes..i learn from my mistakes..everyone wants to win..including me...lifes a b*tch..life kicks u in the shin and laughs about it..THATS life...and im just trying my best to get tru it everyday...and i think im doing much better than before..im not HIM anymore..

and finally..people grow up..everybody grows up...I grow up..you cant ask me to 'grow up' anymore...so i hope u get what im saying stranger..its been a while since i really crapped..but i sure do feel better after letting all this out..


cyen/tristan - "life is short..make a change now before its too late..i have..have you?"