I'm Not Going Back There

Life~

Okeh, its been a long time since i've updated on myself. Yes, myself. Nothing bout football, games, movies or annoying songs.

So how have I really been anyways? Well, STPM trials ended last Thursday and I know I should have really blogged during the weekend but my brother came back from Singapore for the weekend so I preferred spending my time with my brother. Hah! I mean whats the difference bout me blogging then and now? So anyways, like I said, trials ended and whats next?

Well, there is really nothnig much I can do considering that I am still under house-arrest for the next 3 months so I think i will be spending a lot of time at home, and I mean shitloads of time at home. Besides that maybe I'll go play some sports whenever I'm free cuz I'm already feeling a little heavy. Haha, all the eat,study,sleep routine is really not healthy at all. How I hope I could just take a break. You know like one of those trips to those fancy beach resorts where I can just laze at the beach and of course just hit the gym maybe without thinking bout studies. Grr, but thats quite impossible, well at least not for now.

Rewind. After the trials, I sat down with a couple of friends and we talked about the things we have been through in the past year. All the fun times and the stressed up times seem to have flashed pass us so fast. Then some of them talked of personal stuff, Love, Friends and other stuff. I didn't had much to say but honestly there was SO much inside me in the past few months, especially this year. I really feel like I could die keeping so much to myself but really, somethings are just best kept to ourselves. Of course some people loved showing it and doing nasty things behind us without any guilty conscience. People like that are everywhere so as an individual in this scoiety, we will need to tolerate and leave them be. Funny thing is, we will eventually take that path too one day. At one point of your life, treachery, lies and deceit would be your only path. Everyone is the same. Talks of loyalty are no longer believable. Like I've always said, things like that are just "Sweet sweet words that will eventually turn into gooey ear wax in ears".

I have really learned a lot in the past 2-3 years. I've seen a LOT of things and human behaviour, some I've experienced and some I have not. After this 2-3 years, it has made me more matured and my views on a lot of things have changed. For example, in the previous paragraph, I spoke of everyone being the same. What I meant was that everyone would eventually turn bad. Turning back to good is another thing but for everyone, they would eventually do nasty things. I have and I am sure you have too. So what I'm saying here is that, don't ever let your guard down. This might sound a bit strange to some people that know me as a carefree person but really we can never be too sure about everything. But sometimes I really just don't like living a life that we must always be too careful on anything but its just hard. =(

In the past year I have also learned to just really really depend on yourself and the fact that working hard pays. Sometimes we should just do or go on with our lives alone and discover who we are and what we really want in life. Its no use having people telling you who you are and what you should do but if you still want people telling you those stuff, ask your parents, they know best OR get a mirror. I have to admit that I have been wanting to have someone to lean on and depend on but really, the more we try the more problems we will face. Sometimes we just need to STOP and listen, listen to your heart. It sounds gay but what the f*ck, I've already come so far and sounding gay is definitely the least of my problems.

But then again, sometimes its not really our fault that somethings dont go our way, but its the people around that wants to continue screwing and f*cking up their lives. We can do very LITTLE to stop them. Haha. so anyways I think I'm done being paranoid. The paranoia feeling is clearly fading away.

For those who want good GOOD gooooooooOOOOD music. Heres a couple for you guys. Go check out "My Own Worst Enemy" and "Zip-Lock" from the band Lit. Old songs but definitely GOLD. Haha, enjoy. Its really sad that bands like Lit are dying off. =(

cyen/tristan - clearly a paranoid.