The Critical Piece

Life~

Okay lets see. I am a bit down today I suppose. Really, I think I shouldn't be but still I am. Haha. But its not so bad. Its not the type of sadness where you want to slit your wrist. Its more of the "why was I not invited" kind of sadness. Yeah.

I once hung out with this group of really amazing individuals. Why do I say individuals? Its cause we all had our own sense of belief, style and laugh; yea laugh, don't you hate it when someone laughs like you? F*cking annoying really. Haha, yeah they were really some amazing people. Back then, it was just us guys hanging out at ma place. Just chilling and all but things got more complicated later on.

We went out separate ways later on but whenever we are near, we would find a chance to hang out. Well that was quite a long while ago. Now, they have new friends so I guess they don't need me anymore. But sometimes, when he, wait..I mean when they come back, they would say things like "Hey! I'm back! We should like hang out!" or "Come! We should go Bak Kut Teh! Just the three of us!". But whenever I asked weather they were free or not, they would say they aren't. At first I would ask why and what they were busy with but later on, I was just not bothered anymore cuz they are always not free. Funny thing is, they have no time to hang out with me but still they had time to hang out with their other friends. Cool huh? If you ask me, I think they don't like me. Haha, call that a hunch but I've had that feeling for a while now. So yeah, why was I not invited! But then again, even if I am invited now, I wouldn't be interested just because I don't know them anymore. As far as I know, the friends I knew back in high school, died a long time ago.

I am not trying to be rude or insulting with what I say but its just plain facts. To be really honest, I have already accepted the fact that I lost most of my friends a while ago now, but I guess the reason why I always write things like this is cause a small part of me still hopes that I get back my old friends. I really don't like finding new friends. But every time I think bout it, it hits me every time, reminding me that they will never be who they were. Sad.

More reason why I should leave for Singapore. The silent treatment I am getting is starting to get on my nerves so yeah, I want to leave as soon as I can. They are trying to get rid of me anyways. I hope you guys are happy. Pretty sure you guys will be. Always busy drinking and doing fucked up things. Haha, ignore the profanity, just a sign of jealousy of and anger of being left out.

But on a positive note, people like them make me want to better myself. I don't see how I can ever think of them as the same anymore. So, with that said, I will always want to be better and make them regret for pushing me away, unlikely I know but its worth a shot. I've got nothing to lose. After all, everything is okay if they get to hang out with girls.

But all is not lost. Out of the maybe 10 friends, there are still a few that are good and have realized how messed up the rest turned out to be and decided to stay away from them. All this while, I actually waited and waited. Waiting for the day where I get to hang out with them again. Now I need to realize that I am now made an outcast and must move on. They were such great friends but sadly we have to part eventually. Its not gonna be easy, just like what Chris Martin said in "The Scientist", the chorus; "Nobody said it was easy. Oh, its such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy. Oh, its such a shame for us to part. I'm going back to the start."

So yeah, back to the start. An end calls for new beginnings. Cheers!

cyen/tristan - please remember I do not care what you think. Lol.