Somethings Never Leave

Life~

I think, I will have to admit that I really do miss blogging. I try not doing it but there is just no other way I can let out whatever that is trapped inside me. I am happy, I cannot lie but then there are always things out there that are out to get me, cut me down when im high.

I'm not saying that its unfair that my life have problems. Everyone have their own problems but I sometimes I feel that I can't take it. I feel like getting away. Leaving everything behind. Problem is, I use to think that if I work hard, leave the country and go somewhere new, I would have a new start but I dont know why I can't see it. I just can't see it.

Recently, I just got accepted to a university in Singapore. It was my goal, my dream and I finally got it but now that I got it, I don't feel any happier. I still feel that there is still something I need to do to kill my demons. My past haunts me still. I still cannot let go of my friends. I was once filled with anger, rage and hate. What they did to me, I will never accept. I was forced to accept a fate that I never wanted. What I am saying isn't very clear so don't ask what do I really mean. I never wanted anyone to read my posts anyway.

I have been thinking about deleting my facebook account. Sounds kind of stupid I guess, as in I am sure everyone expects something more dramatic then deleting my facebook account but I really do think that doing that can really ease my pain. I don't know if I should or not.

As for my friends, that f*cked me months ago, I really hope you guys are proud of yourselves. I will never forget what you guys did to me. "Taking sides", you guys think its all about that. I guess I was the only one stupid enough to hold on to you guys. At the end of it all, you guys were blinded and you guys never looked back at what brought us together in the first place. I am always the one being the bigger man. I am always the one taking the bullets. I am always the one to be sacrificed so that you guys can have a better time and I was stupid enough to tolerate.

I wish it would all just go away. I wish I could just finally find a place that I could belong again. I wish there was just not so many complications anymore. I cannot take complications anymore. I don't want to always wait for something to happen. I don't want to be the nice guy that always finishes last. I just want to finish.

cyen/tristan